An advice and reminder regarding Matters of Condolences

From 'Abdul-'Aziz bin 'Abdullah bin Baz to whoever sees it and reads it from my Muslim brothers. May Allâh grant them and me success in doing the acts of obedience and may he keep them and me away from the innovations and evil deeds. Aameen.

Peace be upon you and the mercy and blessings of Allâh. To proceed:

Verily, that which has led to the writing of this statement is a need for advice, reminding and drawing attention to matters of condolences that are opposed to the Islamic law, that some of the people have fallen into. It is not appropriate to be silent about these things. Rather, it is obligatory to alert and warn against them. So, I say - and the success is with Allâh:

It is obligatory upon every Muslim to know with certainty that whatever befalls him is from the Preordainment of Allâh and His Decree. The Muslim must be patient and seek the reward of Allah. The person who has been afflicted with some calamity must seek the help of Allâh, console himself with His condolences and act according to His Command to seek help with patience and prayer. This is so that he may attain that which Allâh has promised those who are patient in His Saying:
"And give glad tidings to those who are patient. They are those who when they are stricken by a calamity they say: 'Verily, we belong to Allah, and unto Him we are returning.' It is these who upon them are the prayers of blessings from their Lord and mercy, and it is these who are guided."

Muslim recorded in his Sahih from Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she heard the Messenger of Allâh saying:
"There is no servant (of Allah) who is stricken by a calamity and then he says, 'Verily, we belong to Allâh and unto Him we are returning. O Allah, recompense me in my calamity and grant me that which is better than it after it,' except that Allah will recompense him in his calamity and grant him better than it after it."

Let the person who has been stricken with a calamity beware of saying anything that will cause him to lose his reward and anger his Lord, from words that resemble complaints of oppression and anger (with the decree). For verily, Allâh is Just and He does not oppress. Whatever He took belongs to Him and whatever He gave belongs to Him. Everything has an appointed term with Him and He has a profound wisdom in that. He does whatever He wants. Whoever opposes this or wishes to prevent it, then he is only objecting to the Preordainment of Allâh and His Decree, which is beneficial and has wisdom. It is the foundation of justice and righteousness. The person should not supplicate against himself, because when Abu Salamah died the Prophet said:
"Do not supplicate against yourselves, except for good. For verily the angels say 'Aameen' to whatever you say."

The person should seek the reward of Allâh and praise Him.

Giving condolences to the person who has been stricken with the loss of a deceased (loved one) is recommended. This is due to what is reported from Ibn Mas'ud that the Messenger of Allah said:
"Whoever gives condolences to someone stricken with a calamity, he will have a reward similar to his reward."

The goal behind the condolences is to console the family that has been stricken with a calamity during their misfortune, to comfort them and to give them support. There is no harm in crying over the deceased, because the Prophet did so when his son Ibrahim died and also when some of his daughters died.

In reference to wailing, screaming, striking the cheeks, tearing the clothes, scratching the face, pulling out the hair, supplicat- ing while wailing and lamenting loudly, and things similar to this, all of that is forbidden. This is due to what Ibn Mas'ud reported from the Prophet that he said:
"Whoever strikes the cheeks, tears the clothes and calls out with the cry of the pre-Islamic days of ignorance, is not from us."

Abu Musa narrated that the Messenger of Allâh declared himself innocent of the woman who wails, the woman who shaves her head and the woman who tears her clothing. This is because these things and whatever resembles them contain an aspect of showing anguish, anger, and lack of being pleased and submitting (to Allâh's Decree).

It is recommended to prepare some food for the family of the deceased and send it to them as a means of helping them and strengthening their hearts. For it is likely that they are preoccupied with their misfortune and those who come to visit them, so they are not able to prepare food for themselves. This is due to what Imam Ahmad, Abu Dawud, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Majah all recorded with an authentic chain of narration from 'Abdullah bin Ja'far bin Abu Talib He said that when the announcement of Ja'far's death came, the Messenger of Allâh said:

"Prepare some food for the family of Ja'far, for verily there has come to them that which will preoccupy them."

It has been reported from 'Abdullah bin Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: "This did not cease being the Sunnah among us until those who abandoned it, abandoned it."

In reference to the family of the deceased preparing food for the people, whether it is from the money of the inheritors or from a third of the deceased's wealth or from a person who comes to them (from another locality), all of this is not permissible. This is because it is opposed to the Sunnah and it is from the acts of pre-Islamic days of ignorance. Also, because this contains added hardship for them during their misfortune and added work on top of their existing toil. Ahmad and Ibn Majah recorded with a good chain of narration from Jarir bin 'Abdullah Al-Bajali that he said: "We used to consider gathering at the home of the deceased's family and (the family) preparing food after the burial as wailing." In reference to mourning, it is forbidden to mourn over the deceased for more than three days. The exception to this is the husband, as his wife is obligated to mourn over him for the period of her 'Iddah (waiting period that concludes a marriage) only (and not more than that). This is due to the Prophet's statement:

"It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn over a deceased person for more than three nights; except for her husband, who she mourns for four months and ten days."

In reference to the women mourning for a complete year, this is opposed to the noble Islamic law and it is from the customs of the pre-Islamic days of ignorance that Islam nullified and warned against. Therefore, it is obligatory to denounce this practice and advise others to abandon it. Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim said: "This is from the perfection of the beautiful aspects of the Islamic law, its wisdom and its care in the most complete manner. For verily, mourning over the deceased is a form of magnifying the calamity of death that the people of pre-Islamic ignorance used to exaggerate in the most extreme way. The woman would stay in an extremely small house and isolate herself for a year. She would not use any fragrance or cosmetics, and she would not bathe, and other things as well that are a form of showing displeasure with the Lord and His Decrees. Thus, Allâh, with His Wisdom, nullified this custom of pre- Islamic ignorance and directed us to patience and praise, in exchange for it. Since the calamity of death undoubtedly causes the grieved person to be upset, hurt and sad, as the innate nature demands, the Most Wise, the Most Aware (Allah) allowed a moderate amount of that. This moderate portion is three days by which you will find a type of relaxation and fulfill your need to grieve. Whatever is more than that, then it is probably corruptive and thus, He (Allah) prevented it. The intent here is that He allowed the women to mourn their deceased for three days. In reference to mourning the husband, then it conforms with the Iddah in that it is over a period of months. Concerning the pregnant woman, when she delivers her child the obligation of mourning is dropped, because it only continues until the time of her delivery..."

Concerning having a party after the woman comes out of the Iddah, this is an innovation if it contains what Allâh forbade of wailing, lamenting, moaning and similar things. It is not confirmed from the Messenger of Allâh or anyone of his Companions or anyone of the Pious Predecessors (As-Salaf As- Salih) that they held a party for the deceased at all. This was not done upon the person's death or a week after his death or after forty days or after a year from his death. Rather, this is an innovation and an evil custom. Therefore, it is obligatory to avoid the likes of these things, reject them, repent to Allâh from them and keep away from them. This is due to what these things contain of innovating in the religion and imitating the Mushrikun (polytheists, idolaters and pagans). Verily, it is confirmed from the Prophet that he said:

"I was sent with the sword before the Hour so that Allah would be worshipped alone without any partner. My sustenance was placed under the shadow of my spear, and disgrace and humiliation was placed upon whoever opposes my command. And whoever imitates a people, then he is one of them."

It is also confirmed from him that he said:
"Whoever does a deed that is not in accordance with our matter, then it is rejected."

There are other Hadiths besides these that prove the prohibition of imitating the Mushrikum (polytheists, idolaters and pagans) and innovating in the religion. And Allâh knows best.

Source:
Fatawa Islamiyah, Vol. 3 Pages 90 to 96