He Said to Her: "If You Leave by This Door, You Are Divorced," So She Left by Another Door

Question :

I divorced my wife by saying to her. "If you leave by this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister." But unfortunately, she left, although not by the door which I had indicated. And because she has borne three children, I am asking about the ruling regarding what I said, and what I must do to get her back.

Answer:

Before answering this question, I would like to advise this brother and others not to play with words in this way. Because playing in such matters causes them and the scholars who deliver legal verdicts problems, and these problems have no end to them.

Whoever wishes to swear, he should swear by Allah, the Almighty, the All-Powerful, although the firm, resolute husband does not need such things; rather, simply a word is sufficient prohibition in order to make her refrain.

But as for the man who is weak when he stands before his family, so much so that he carries out their slightest whims, even though they may be contradictory to what is right, such a man lacks firmness, resolve, and manliness. Therefore, it is incum- bent upon a man to be strong, without harshness and flexible without weakness, and to make his word carry weight, making it of value among his family, so that he may live a good life among them.

I am not by this, calling for him to be gloomy and frowning in front of his family and not to show them a cheerful face; rather, I am calling for the opposite of that: That he behaves towards them with calmness, flexibility and goodness, but at the same time, to be firm and serious when he orders something, and not to be helpless.

As for the reply to the question, if a man says to his wife: "If you go out by this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me like my mother and my sister," it cannot fall outside two possible situations:

One is that he intended by this simply to prevent her from going out, not to divorce her, nor to make her forbidden. But based on his confirmation of this, that he wanted to combine this prohibition with this thing, then in this case, it would carry the ruling of an oath, according to the most authoritative view from among those held by the scholars. So if she went out of the door, she would not be divorced. However, it would be incumbent upon him to atone for his oath, and there is no difference between her leaving by the door which he indicated or another door in the house. Because, it is clear from his statement that he wanted her not to leave the house, and he did not mean that she should not leave from this particular door, unless there was something in this particular door which required it to be singled out for this decision, in which case, the matter would be referred to this.

The second situation is that he intended by his words: "If you leave by this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," that she would be divorced and forbidden to him if the condition was fulfilled and in that case, it would be a condition carrying the same ruling as other conditions, so if the condition was present, the thing made conditional upon it would also be present. So if she left by this door or by a different door in the house, then she would be divorced and he would have committed Zihar. If she was divorced and she had not been. divorced twice previously, he would be allowed to take her back. But he may not approach her until he had performed the atonement for Zihar made incumbent upon him by Allah, which is that he free a slave, and if he is not able to do this, he must fast for two consecutive months, and if he is not able to do this, he must feed sixty poor persons.

There is no difference between her leaving by the door indicated, and leaving by a different door in the house. This is because it is apparent from his statement that he meant that she should not leave the house at all, even if she climbed a wall-unless there was something in that particular door which necessitated its being singled out for this decision, or this condition. Then, in this case, it would be particular for this door, and if she left by another door, she would not be divorced and the Zihar would not be confirmed.