Be Patient - Be Good to Your Mother

Question :

I would like to present to your eminence a problem that my brothers and myself have with my mother. Her bad behavior often causes us not to treat her properly. We are fearful of Allâh in this matter because we don't want to be undutiful and as a result lose out in this life and in the next due to her Shaytanic plots. She often criticizes our religious dedication and calls us "Mutaw'ah" even though she has herself memorized the last thirtieth of the Qur'an, and regularly fasts on Mondays, Thursdays, three days every month and performs other kinds of voluntary prayer and fasting. Even when we performed Hajj, before we began the return journey she returned to cursing, abusing and beating us to such a degree that she cursed our honor, integrity and supplicated with prayers against us the likes of which no mother would utter against her own sons. We often hope to be free of her or for us to die, just so we can be saved from her evil. The situation only goes from bad to worse. O noble Shaikh, what can we do with our mother and how do we make a just balance between her behavior and our lives?

Answer:

The answer to this question must consist of two parts. A The first part is advice to the mother, if what was said about her is true, then I advise her to fear Allah Almighty regarding herself, and that she know that such evil against children is a form of severing family relations, which is one of the major sins mentioned in Allâh Almighty's saying:
"Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight."

And in the saying of the Prophet ﷺ,
"The one who severs does not enter Paradise."

This means the one who severs the ties of kinship. This action of hers to her children is a form of oppression against them, and oppression is forbidden. In a Hadith Qudsi recorded by Muslim from Mu'adh bin Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, the Prophet reported that his Lord said:
"O my servants, I have forbidden Myself from oppressing and I have made it unlawful among you, so don't oppress each other."

And such wrong or oppression will manifest as a darkness on the Day of Resurrection. Committing a wrong against one other than Allah Almighty is not forgiven because it is the right of one of the creatures, and the creature's right must be repaid. One day, the Prophet ﷺ said to his Companions,
"Who do you consider to be bankrupt?"

They answered,
"The bankrupt person is he who has no Dirham or belongings."

He said,
"The bankrupt person is he who comes on the Day of Judgement with good deeds that are like mountains. However, he has wronged so and so, hit so and so, cursed so and so, usurped the wealth of so and so. Then so and so will take from his good deeds, followed by another who will take from his good deeds if there are any left. If not, he will take from their bad deeds; those bad deeds will he heaped upon him, and then he will be thrown into the Fire."

This action of hers will lead to her children disobeying her, because people find it difficult to bear oppression. Thus she will be the cause of their disobedience and the cause of her own misery. So she should fear Allah, improve herself, and live with them in harmony so that they can do her justice, so that they can do what Allah Almighty ordered them to do.

As for the second part: to the children, they should be patient and expect their reward from Allah Almighty. They should be good to her as much as they can. If they can do this and she still doesn't respond, they will triumph in the end, and she will lose.

A man told the Prophet that when he tries to nurture relations with his relatives, they try to sever them; when he does something good to them, they do something evil to him, but he remains gentle with them. The Prophet ﷺ said :
"If the case is as you have said, then it is merely as if they have thrown themselves into hot ashes. You will continue to have help from Allah over them, as long as you are like this."

The meaning is that this is a gain for you and loss against them. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ also said:
"The one who nurtures ties is not he who responds in kind, but it is he who when his ties of kinship are severed, joins them."

My advice for these children is that they are as dutiful to their mother as they can be, and that they be patient with any harms they suffer from her and await relief from Allâh. Allah Almighty says:
"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him".

And He, Glorious is He, said:
"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine."