He Said to Her: "If You Go to Such-and-such a Place, You Will be Like the Back of my Mother to Me," And She Went

Question :

I warned my wife against going to a certain place, but she insisted upon going and I became intensely angry and said to her: "If you go to this place, you will be as the back of my mother and my sister to me." Then I went on a journey and when I returned, I found that she has disobeyed me and gone. So what is the ruling on this? Should I atone for my oath, or does it mean that I have divorced my wife? And is there any set limit for making atonement?

Answer:

I would like to advise the questioner and all of the Muslims not to undertake such foolish actions as this, for it is something which should not be done. Az-Zihar has been described by Allah, Most High as detestable and a lie.

The reply to this question is: If the man meant by his words: "You will be as the back of my mother to me," to make her forbidden by these words, then there is no doubt that he has committed Zihar and it is not permissible for him to approach her until he has done what Allah commanded him to do in His Words:
"And those who make unlawful to them (their wives) by Zihär and wish to free themselves from what they uttered, (the penalty) in that case is the freeing of a slave before they touch each other.

That is an admonition to you (so that you may not repeat such an ill thing). And Allah is All-Aware of what you do. And he who finds not (the money for freeing a slave) must fast two successive months before they both touch each other. And he who is unable to do so, should feed sixty Masäkin (poor). That is in order that you may have perfect faith in Allah and His Messenger."

So it is incumbent upon him before having sexual intercourse with his wife to perform this atonement which Allah, the Almighty, the All-Powerful has mentioned.

However, if he intended prevention by it. i.e. preventing the wife from doing the thing which he forbade her to do, and he did not intend by it to declare her forbidden to him, then this is an oath. Its ruling is that of an oath for which the same atonement must be made, and it is resolved by the atonement. If a person makes a statement of Zihar to his wife, she may demand her personal rights, and if he insisted upon preventing her (from her rights), then they may resort to the Judge.

Source:
Ibn 'Uthaimin
Fatawa Islamiyah, Vol. 6 Pages 87-88-89